40 & Fabulous: The Importance of Setting Intentions in Each Birthday Year

(The picture below is of the sash my friends had me wear this weekend!)

Today I have officially left my 30s and entered a new era. This weekend two of my girlfriends took me out to celebrate the BIG 40. During dinner they had me wear a black sash that said “40 and Fabulous.” My loving friends also created a time capsule for me of all the things I have accomplished in my 30s and they said I cannot open the time capsule again, until I hopefully reach the milestone of 50.

I am intentionally using the word hopefully because after 12 years of working in hospice, I am acutely aware of the fragility of life. Death is our fundamental vulnerability and we could allow this knowledge to leave us stuck in depression or this awareness could embolden us to live every day and even each moment to the fullest.

In the time capsule my dear friends made me, they put items that represent the way they perceive I have lived my 30s. The time capsule was in a plastic cat bag, because in my 30s I have become a devotee of felines. My brother has already made jokes about me being a “cat lady” and I love these little creatures so much that I am not afraid to own this title. Although to be fair, I only have 2 little kitties and not 20, but if my husband doesn’t help me set boundaries, I could easily get out of control.

When I opened up my cat bag time capsule I found:

A big pencil to signify my love of writing
A pair of socks that say, “I’m a Girl. What’s Your Super Power?”

SIDE NOTE: My girlfriends bought these socks because they see me as a strong woman and they also were impressed by how I responded when my husband and I bought a house together and the title agency sent a copy of the title in my husband’s name alone. Let’s just say the title agency received a kind but forthright letter reminding them this is the 21^st century and not the early 1900s. 🙂

A Greek statue to celebrate me pursuing and obtaining a doctorate
A picture of a genie lamp with a heart emerging from it because they have nicknamed me the “love genie”

SIDE NOTE: I hope they named me this because they know how important loving others is to me, but I suspect they also did this because of my hopeless romantic nature. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I will watch a Hallmark movie every once in a blue moon and the predictable endings never get old to me.

A picture of an older man with a cane to represent my time serving hospice patients
A map to symbolize me traveling across the world
A dove that they said characterizes my hopeful and peaceful nature
A temporary tattoo to serve as a reminder of how yoga became imprinted into my mind, body and spirit in my 30s
A cross to denote my years in ministry serving as a chaplain and the importance of my faith
And a few other things to do with cats and the letters 40 with the words forty, fabulous and feisty written on the back 🙂

I was humbled and beyond grateful that my two friends celebrated me in such an extravagant way. Their reflection on the past ten years of my life left me thinking about how I want to spend the next ten years. In addition to giving me the time capsule, one of them gifted me by asking me what my intentions are for my 40^th year. Both the time capsule and this question, left me ruminating on how I want to spend this year and the next ten years of my life.

When I was in my 20s, I read Parker Palmer’s important book, Let Your Life Speak. If you haven’t read this book I recommend it, because it emblazoned me to always be in a process of discerning who I want to be, so that my life does speak.

When my friend asked me my intentions for my 40^th year, I rattled off a few answers, but after leaving the dinner I realized I needed to spend some more time reflecting on her question and so I wanted to offer to you 40 resolutions I have for my 40^th year. But I also want this to be an opportunity for you to make your own list. In whatever year of your life you are living, who do you want to be? Why are you here on this earth?

1) I will look for the beauty in others.

SIDE NOTE: The poet Rumi said, “The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you.”

2) I will embrace my silly and playful side.
3) I will practice gratitude and always be aware of all the gifts in my life.
4) I will have a hope-filled disposition about the future.
5) I will choose work and hobbies that are life-giving.

SIDE NOTE: Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go and do that for what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

6) I will slow down and rush less.
7) I will eat and drive more mindfully.
8) I will tune in to the divine presence that is with me on this journey.
9) I will spend less time worrying and more time living.
10) I will set boundaries by using the word no, so I can say yes to myself.
11) I will nourish my mind by reading more.
12) I will try my best to refrain from gossip and being critical of others. I will notice that when I speak ill of someone else, I am often speaking from a place of shame and insecurity.
13) I will know deep within my spirit that I am enough and I don’t have to be perfect.

SIDE NOTE: Maya Angelou said, “You alone are enough. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.” Also, if you have never read The Gift of Imperfection by Brené Brown, please put this on your reading list.

14) I will offer empathy and recognize that people who hurt me are projecting some of their own pain onto me.

SIDE NOTE: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Ian MacClaren

15) I will let myself off the hook when I make mistakes.
16) I will seek to forgive others when they let me down.
17) I will find more time to just be. The art of being is just as important as the art of doing.
18) I will be more observant and look around me to intentionally notice the bunny rabbits, flowers, rainbows and created world.
19) I will do everything in my power to achieve my goal to be a mom.
20) I will play with my cats every day. They bring joy to my spirit.
21) I will spend more time with children.

SIDE NOTE: Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.”

22) I will try not to numb my pain through shopping or caregiving. (Guilty!)
23) I will tell my truth and be vulnerable with safe people in my life.
24) I will try to avoid triangles, and when it is possible, I will speak directly with someone if they have upset me.
25) I will celebrate and encourage others.
26) I will share with others my belief that we need an abundance of grace from God and we also need to give extravagant grace to ourselves and one another.
27) I will not alienate myself from others because of differences, including religious and political ones.
28) I will educate people about the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is about living compassionately, noticing our body, feelings and thoughts and staying in the present moment.
29) I will try to not control others. It is much easier to live life when I seek only to control myself.

SIDE NOTE: Reinhold Niebuhr said, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

30) I will set limits with myself and try not to over-function at home, in my family or in professional settings.
31) I will always remember that living the questions is more important than having all the answers. We only see in part.

SIDE NOTE: Rilke said, “Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

32) I will do something to tend to my mind, body and spirit every day.

SIDE NOTE: Yoga is one of my favorite ways to fill my cup, because it is a spiritual, physical and emotional discipline.

33) I will allow others to help me because the spirituality of receiving is just as important as the spirituality of giving.
34) I will find silent spaces and spend time in meditation.

SIDE NOTE: There is a Native American proverb that says, “Listen to the silence…it speaks.”

35) I will write more and keep exploring this newer spiritual discipline in my life.
36) I will keep in touch with friends and family. Connection is good for the soul.
37) I will embrace my grief and give myself permission to cry, be angry and vent when life lets me down.

SIDE NOTE: Shakespeare said, “The grief that does not speak whispers the distraught heart and bids it break.”

38) I will be careful about how much I connect to technology and try to find more meaningful connections with myself and others.
39) I will accept others just as I find them.

SIDE NOTE: Thomas Merton said, “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”

40) I will find ways to practice generosity and offer my talents, time and resources.

What’s on your list? Who do you intend to be in this year and decade of your life? I encourage you to set aside some time today to reflect on your values. Who do you want to be? If I live out these 40 intentions, I know I will be 40 and fabulous, as it said on the sash my friends had me wear this weekend. In whatever year of life we find ourselves, may we live life compassionately, mindfully and abundantly.

May we live our years with purpose,

Christy