Finding Balance: Through Work, Love, Play & Rest
The time in my life when I experienced the closest balance between work, love, play and rest was when I was 25 years old and living in England. I moved to England to work as a pastor in the British Methodist Church. The Brits call their pastors vicars. The BBC television show, “The Vicar of Dibley,” is a show about a woman serving as a pastor in England and while my experiences weren’t quite as comedic as the Vicar of Dibley’s, the show does have some parallels with my own experience. Like the Vicar of Dibley, I was a young single lady serving as a pastor in England. And because I was such a novelty as a young single American woman serving the church, I had many comedic moments of my own. British Methodist ministers wear collars like Episcopal and Catholic priests customarily do here, and one of my favorite memories is wearing my collar around town during October and being constantly asked if I was dressed up for Halloween! Most pastors in town were male, older and British and so I routinely looked like a college kid dressed up for a costume party.
When I arrived in England, I had just finished three years of graduate school at a seminary. I was ready to impart all my new found knowledge to my parishioners. What I didn’t realize is that it would actually be the British who would be my teachers. I’d like to share with you what I learned during my time in England about the necessity of finding time for work, play, rest and love.
Work-While clergy in the United States seem to struggle with work-life balance, the culture in England is radically different. For starters the British Methodist Church gives all incoming pastors 6 weeks’ vacation and in addition to our vacations every quarter during the year we were encouraged to take a 4 day spiritual retreat. It became apparent to me when I had time to travel, I came back renewed and so I had so much more joy and passion for my work.
I also learned that whether you are paid or a volunteer it is important to find work that provides you with meaning and purpose. When I was in England, I realized the part of my job I loved the most was sitting in parishioners homes and listening to their stories. They would serve tea and biscuits (what Americans call cookies), and I had the sacred privilege to hear my congregants’ greatest joys and deepest sorrows. I realized there how much I loved sitting with people who needed someone to listen, affirm and process their stories and this recognition led me to my next job as a chaplain and eventually to my present work serving as licensed marriage and family therapist.
Love-While living abroad, my favorite British colloquialism was the greeting, “Hiya love.” Just pair together the gorgeous accent and these intimate words and of course I was smitten with Great Britain! But even though I loved the culture there, I was over 4,000 miles away from my family and quite lonely. I realized I needed to find a support network, but I also wanted to find some ways to love and care for myself. And so I befriended a group of ladies who were all from different generations than me. Until this point, all my close friends were within a few years of my own age, but while in England I learned the benefit of finding loving connections with people in different seasons of life. Many meals were shared with these dear ladies and they offered so much wisdom and support to me during my time there. Since learning this valuable lesson in England, I have made it a point to have friends who are not just my own age, but both younger and older than me.
I often tell my counseling clients that when we practice self-care we are sending ourselves the message that we matter. Self-care can be any hobby or discipline that allows us to take care of our minds, bodies or spirits. While I was in England I decided to take guitar lessons and join a local gym. I also practiced self-care through traveling and cycling. I would take my bicycle on the train and travel to villages all over England on my days off. And on days I was working, I would ride my bike to visit parishioners or to meetings at the church. The British Methodist church provided a nice incentive for me to ride my bike, because they actually reimbursed us for not only driving our cars but also for bicycle mileage! These self-care practices were life-sustaining activities for me while I was in England.
Play-I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. My dad’s addiction meant I had to grow up fast and I was far too responsible as a teen and young adult. Instead of being so serious, I desperately needed to give myself permission to play with the joyful abandon of a child.
You can play on your own, with a pet or with people. Play can be something specific, like a game or creative activity, or it can simply be having a playful spirit. In the words of George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” While living in England, I volunteered with a Girl Scout group. In the meetings we played games, sang and did art together. I have noticed that when I am with children I laugh more and feel light-hearted. In addition to this time with young people, I also spent time playing with older folks. In fact, my favorite house-call was a weekly game of scrabble with one of my oldest parishioners. Play is good for the soul.
Rest– When I was in England, I attended my first silent retreat at an Anglican convent. I also traveled to France to a Catholic monastery to sing the repetitive Gregorian-like songs known as Taize music. I went on a retreat to Scotland to visit the Iona Community, which is an ecumenical religious order. These spiritual retreats were not my only means of finding rest. I also started going out to dinner and to the movies by myself and sometimes I would spend a whole afternoon reading and relaxing.
Before I lived abroad, I had been a doer who was always on the go and never slowed down. I was also uncomfortable being alone in my own company. But during this time so far away from home, I learned the glory of being alone and finding rest for my spirit.
Orison Swett Marden said, “Work, love and play are the great balance wheels of humanity’s being.” I have taken the liberty of adding rest to Marden’s list. When we find balance, like I experienced in jolly old England, between work, love, play and rest we are living the abundant life. My daughter, Isabelle, is about to be 3 months old and as I observe her actions, it seems apparent to me that from the very beginning of our lives, we flourish when we engage in work, love, play and rest. Isabelle rests during her naps, she plays as she smiles and kicks her legs, she loves as she is cuddled and held by her family and she works as she eats.
When we are out of balance we might work so much we become a workaholic, rest so often that we are slothful, play to the point that we become gluttonous or love so deeply that we are codependent. As we work on finding balance it is possible to have meaningful and purposeful work, rest and and relaxation, laughter and play and love for ourselves and one another.
May we work, play, love and rest today,
Christy
A version of this article was originally published in the Mountain Mirror. www.mountainmirror.com
