How Your Enneagram Type Can Help You Move Out of the Stories That Trap You

I recently started a Podcast with my friend, Kat Smith, called Enneagram+Yoga (www.enneagramplusyoga.com) because I have a passion for Yoga and the Enneagram. Most of you are familiar with Yoga, but you may not have heard of the Enneagram. Like the Myers Briggs, the Enneagram is a personality system of nine interconnected types of human beings. The Enneagram has both religious and psychological roots and therefore it is a typology system that can help you to grow in both emotional and spiritual intelligence. I attended a workshop on the Enneagram about 20 years ago when I was a seminary student at Emory University, and since then this typing system has opened my heart to understand myself and others in a more compassionate way.

The Enneagram has been transformational for me because its wisdom speaks to me and says, “This is the dominant number you live out of that has defined you, but I can help you move out of the two box and embody the strengths of all 9 numbers so you can be your most whole and complete self.” I am a Enneagram 2, sometimes called the Helper or Giver, and I can be compulsive about helping others, to the extent that I sacrifice my own needs. As a young person who grew up in a home with an alcoholic father, I acquired the story, “It’s not okay to have your own needs.” I was the typical hero child of the alcoholic who tried to help manage the anxiety in our home by cleaning the house, getting a job at age 14 so my parents did not have to pay for as many of my needs and helping care for my younger brothers by nurturing them. Helping others made me feel loved, needed, appreciated and recognized. Like many Enneagram 2’s, I eventually found a job in a helping profession, which led me to experience some burn out and compassion fatigue, which is common for Enneagram 2’s.   

When I was a college student my parents were experiencing some financial difficulties and they needed a new couch. They did not ask me for help getting one, but I decided they needed one and so I bought them a pricey couch for Christmas. I did not go to Rooms to Go to buy the couch and instead went to a more expensive store where clients picked out the upholstery for the couch. The Enneagram 2 is in the shame or image triad of the Enneagram and so without knowing it, I was likely picking out a couch that was nice for my parents as my way of proving that my family and I were enough. I did not consciously know this was what I was doing, but now I can look back and understand that my own self-image and sense of self were wrapped up in how people viewed my family. If my parents had a nice couch maybe my family and I were worthy of love and belonging. I think it is safe to say most college kids do not buy their parents couches, but I think this story exemplifies how much of a Enneagram 2 type I can be, if I am not mindful to be conscious and careful about this propensity to put other people’s needs ahead of my own and to prove my value and worth. Let me be clear that I am not saying my generosity was exclusively good or bad in my couch story, but there can be layers as to why we are generous and the Enneagram invites people to explore these layers and to recognize that generosity can be both a strength and growing edge.  

We act out of our Enneagram number consciously and unconsciously. The Enneagram is inviting us to be careful not to get trapped in a story that defines us in a way that does not serve us. Here is a short breakdown of each of the 9 numbers and ways they can find more health and wholeness:

Enneagram 1: Perfectionist or Reformer (I’m right)

Enneagram Ones seek justice and make this world a more ideal world, but they can have high expectations of their selves and others. They can be moral, principled, self-righteous and perfectionistic. They start to rewrite their story when they own that it is okay to make mistakes, change the negative voice of their inner critic into a positive one, practice offering compassion and grace to themselves and others and invite their serious side to become more playful, like an Enneagram 7.    

Enneagram 2: Helper or Giver (I’m helpful)

Enneagram Twos tends to put the needs of others above their own needs. They can be caring, relational, generous and manipulative. They move towards a healthier story when they practice self-love, self-care, boundaries, acknowledge their own needs, receive love find mutuality in relationships and become more aware of their own feelings, like an Enneagram 4.

Enneagram 3: Achiever or Performer (I’m successful)

Enneagram Threes are goal oriented and they are hard workers who can multitask all day. They can be ambitious, focused, charming, adaptable and status-conscious. They begin to rescript their story when they work less, find a restful meditative practice like journaling or meditation that helps them access the present moment, identify their feelings, live as their truest and most authentic self and find places of belonging and community, like the Enneagram 6.

Enneagram 4: Artist or Individualist (I’m unique)

Enneagram Fours have an artistic eye for beauty and they tend to be more aware of their feelings than the rest of us. They can be creative, authentic, deep, expressive and emotional. They begin to find a new story when they cultivate hope, let go of the view the grass is greener elsewhere, move away from the idea they are a victim and embrace their need for equanimity in their emotions and view of life. They grow when they become more productive and principled, like an Enneagram 1.   

Enneagram 5: Investigator or Observer (I’m rational)

Enneagram Fives have so much knowledge and wisdom to impart to the world. They can be cerebral, introverted, curious, calm and stingy. They find a new life narrative when they spend money on both themselves and others, connect with others, live in their body through dancing, walking or yoga, release the need to always have all the answers, experience their feelings in the present moment and seek to be more confident, like an Enneagram 8.

Enneagram 6: Team Player or Loyalist (I’m loyal)

Enneagram Sixes are group thinkers who recognize the need to have a place to belong in the world. Sixes can be cautious, trustworthy, anxious, cooperative and industrious. Sixes start to reframe their lives when they limit their consumption of news, practice prayer and meditation, accept compliments, refrain from catastrophizing and become more trusting and calm like an Enneagram 9.

Enneagram 7: Adventurer or Enthusiast (I’m fun)

Enneagram Sevens are the life of the party and exude joy. They can be extroverted, playful, spontaneous, positive, over-extended and scattered. They find a healthier story when they become more grounded through solitude and meditation, practice moderation, let go of what’s next thinking, feel their painful feelings and become more grounded and profound, like an Enneagram 5.  

Enneagram 8: Challenger or Boss (I’m strong)

Enneagram Eights are are often strong, decisive and wise leaders. They can be confident, protective, decisive, assertive, intense and controlling. Eights start to grow when they explore childhood issues that led to their tough exterior and lack of trust, notice their tendency to some across as intense and seek to soften, practice vulnerability, uncover feelings underneath their anger and become more empathetic, like an Enneagram 2.

Enneagram 9: Peacemaker or Mediator (I’m easy-going) 

Enneagram Nines merge with others and seek harmony with the world. They can be agreeable, patient, accommodating, a crowd-pleaser and passive-aggressive. They experience more abundant life and a new way of living when they learn to say no, assert themselves and share their opinions, voice their anger, spend time journaling about existential and vocational questions and become more disciplined and active, like an Enneagram 3.

While I have shared a great deal of information on the Enneagram, it is a complex system that offers so much more wisdom than I can impart in this article. If you would like to take an Enneagram test and learn more information about this important personality typing system please check out www.enneagraminstitute.com. When I learned about the Enneagram in my early twenties it pointed me to my spiritual work. The Enneagram continues to invite me to move out of the story telling me I must help others or be generous in order to be liked. It enlivens me to love myself, care for myself, set boundaries and to be careful with generosity when there is an underlying motivation. The Enneagram also encourages me to acknowledge my need to be more like the high side of all 9 numbers. For example, I have always been somewhat serious and the Enneagram 7 reminds me to be more playful and adventurous. Or sometimes I resist the healing gift of being a part of a group and the Enneagram 6 helps me to seek out places of belonging. Whether you seek to grow through yoga, the Enneagram, a religious community or another pathway may you continue to find practices that encourage you to be your truest and best self.  

I invite you to move out of the stories that trap you,

Christy