My aunt recently gave me a marble table that belonged to my grandmother. I am sentimental and love antiques and I was so excited to be given a beautiful old table that had been passed down through the generations. One day I decided an oriental rug that was near the marble table would look better under the marble table. I could have asked my husband for help moving the marble table, because it is both heavy and fragile. But instead of asking for help, which is a spiritual practice I constantly need to work on, my ego and pride whispered to me that I could move the table all by myself. As you might imagine, this did not end well and this story ends with the marble on top of the table falling to the ground and splitting into 3 pieces. I feel bad that my pride, which leads me to perpetually do things on my own, damaged this beautiful family heirloom. Another lesson in the the list of many for me regarding why I need to ask for help.  

We learn so much from our friends, don’t we? I have a good friend, Lauren, who recently taught me an important lesson about the importance of reaching out to others to ask for help. 

Let me start by introducing my friend, Lauren Sparks, to you. Last year my friend, Lauren, graduated with her Doctor of Nursing Practice (DNP). For Lauren, graduating with her DNP was a huge deal, because while she was in her doctoral program, she was also battling chronic inflammatory response syndrome and erythromelalgia. Lauren’s illness started when she was in her mid thirties and she struggled with severe pain from these diseases for almost five years. Erythromelalgia is a rare condition that causes episodes of burning pain and red feet that feel like a scorching fire inside of a person’s body and this pain and redness can sometimes also affect the hands, arms, legs, ears and face. Because the pain for this illness is nearly unbearable the suicide rate is high.

Lauren’s erthromelalgia went into remission this year, but while she was in school for DNP it got so bad that she had to learn how to use voice dictation to complete her assignments for school, because she could no longer type on the computer when the illness moved into her hands. During the worse part of her illness, my dear friend Lauren, who had once been able to run marathons, take long hikes and do active vinyasa yoga classes was now struggling and in pain as she walked from her bedroom to the bathroom. As you might imagine, there were moments when she was in so much pain, she though about dropping out of DNP school and yet she kept moving towards her goal in spite of all the challenges against her. 

In order to celebrate Lauren’s graduation from DNP school, knowing how hard she had worked, her husband contacted Lauren’s favorite writer, Marianne Williamson. He told her how much Marianne’s words and wisdom had meant to Lauren and also communicated to her all she had been going through with her illness and asked her if she would consider sending Lauren a video message congratulating her on her accomplishment. If you have not heard of Marianne Williamson, she a motivational speaker and author of more than a dozen books and she has been highlighted on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday as a leader of matters of the heart and soul. Marianne Williamson even ran for president in 2020 and had a surprising following for someone who had no political experience. I was shocked when I saw the video of Marianne Williamson sending Lauren a very personal and thoughtful message congratulating Lauren on her graduation from DNP. It would never have occurred to me to reach out to Marianne Williamson, like Ryan’s husband did, because I would have just assumed she was too busy and important to do something like this.

This year when Lauren’s husband, Ryan, turned 40, Lauren reached out to the amazing singer-songwriter and author, David Berkeley, and arranged him to come to their backyard to do an outdoor concert for his 40^th birthday party. Again, I would never have thought to invite David Berkeley to do a concert or to invite Marianne Williamson to do a video message for a loved one’s graduation, because my personality tends to be one that struggles with asking for what I need or want. Just like I didn’t ask my husband for help moving the antique table, I struggle with asking people for help.

During a recent conversation with my friend, Lauren, she encouraged me to contact Richard Rohr, who has been a spiritual mentor to both Lauren and I, and ask him to be on the podcast I co-host called Enneagram+Yoga. My friend said she would love to hear a conversation between Richard Rohr and I about the Enneagram. When Lauren said these words, I remember laughing because it just seemed like such an outlandish idea. Famous personalities like Oprah or Brene Brown get to interview the contemplative writer, Richard Rohr, and not a mere mortal like myself. I told my friend, Lauren, that I never even thought about inviting Richard Rohr. Why didn’t I imagine inviting him? I assume he would say no, because I don’t have the amount of followers that would warrant an interview from the likes of Richard Rohr. 

Lauren and her husband, Ryan, have reminded me that there is wisdom in reaching out to the universe and asking for what you need or want, even when the request seems like a big one that might be turned down. They have reminded me that I need to dream bigger. When we do ask for help, we might avoid breaking a beloved family heirloom or we might even get to have an outdoor birthday concert with a famous musician, like Lauren’s husband, Ryan, experienced.

I’m writing this article in honor of my friend, Lauren, and since Marianne Williamson is her favorite writer, I want to share these words from her.  

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

I agree with Marianne Williamson that there is nothing enlightened about shrinking and yet I do it all the time. I shrink when I don’t ask for help, because at a young age I decided I had to be responsible and take care of hard things. I also shrink into a place of shame when I don’t allow people to assist me, because I am sending myself the message that I am not worthy of receiving from others. My personality type likes to prove myself and worth through giving, and yet it is when I allow myself to receive that real growth happens for me. When I receive help from others, I am sending the message to my body, brain and heart that I matter.

Perhaps I also shrink by having an immediate response of laughter at the thought of interviewing Richard Rohr. Underneath my laughter at Lauren’s suggestion to reach out to Richard Rohr, is the belief that I am not worthy of this. But I am a child of God and I need to learn from my friend, Lauren, to shine brighter and dream bigger dreams for myself. I may not ever interview Richard Rohr, but I need to learn not to laugh at this notion and maybe even to believe something like this is possible one day. What are some of the ways you shrink in your own life?

In this new year of 2022, how can you join me in asking others for what you need and dreaming bigger dreams for yourself and your future? You are a child of God! Instead of shrinking, how can you show up in the world and shine bright in 2022?

Let’s shine bright instead of shrinking,

Christy