Listening to Your Internal Compass

I am a big advocate of yoga and I faithfully keep up this practice roughly six days a week. I was fortunate to have two healthy full-term pregnancies, where I was able to both teach and take yoga classes during the duration of both pregnancies. I was even able to take a yoga class on the day my water broke during both pregnancies. I realize this is not necessarily the best choice or even possible for everyone on a pregnancy journey, but the breathing and mindful movement were life-sustaining for me during both gestational periods.

I was blessed to recently take several postpartum yoga classes with the renowned yoga teacher, Brenda Nakdimen, at Yoga Landing. During these classes I was able to practice yoga with my newborn and this memory of holding my son, Miles, while I did butterfly pose and other yoga poses is a special memory I will always cherish. There are many wonderful places to practice yoga in town, but if you are looking for classes tailored for prenatal and postpartum moms and dads, Yoga Landing is the only yoga studio I know of in this area that offers classes specifically for both expecting and postpartum parents.

There is a 5-5-5 rule for postpartum mothers that is intended to help new mothers take care of themselves following childbirth. It recommends taking five days in bed, five days on the bed, and five days around the bed, to allow for both rest for the mom and bonding between the mother and child.

While the 5-5-5 practice is meaningful for many moms, this is a set of guidelines that would likely make me feel isolated. I don’t always listen to the rules of what you are “supposed” to do, and so it might not surprise you that I allowed time for rest and lots of skin to skin bonding with my both of my children following their births, but I did not follow this 5-5-5 rule. While it may not have been the best medicine for my pelvic floor, I had my mental health in mind and I went back to yoga classes to breathe and have space for myself, just 9 days after giving birth to my daughter and only 4 days after my son was born.

When I showed up to various yoga classes these were the comments I heard many times from other women after the birth of my daughter and later my son:

Does your doctor know you are here?
What are you doing here?
Who is with your baby?

This experience reminded me how hard women can be on one another. I too have been guilty of being hard on other women along life’s journey. When the culture at large and your loved ones have high expectations for you, sometimes unknowingly you project these expectations onto yourself and others.

I don’t think the people who offered these comments were consciously trying to be critical, but sometimes their facial reactions or tone gave me the feeling they did not think I should be in the yoga class. With each interaction, I tried to respond in a non-defensive way and let them know my husband was with the baby and that I needed a quiet space to breathe and move.

One practice I often try to teach my clients is to listen to their own body, mind, heart, and spirit as they make decisions. While it is extremely important to listen to your therapist, doctor, and the advice of sage friends, I invite my clients to find an internal compass. You can find this compass when you listen deeply to what you need for your own emotional well-being.

My clients often come seeking advice from me, but most of the time I try to refrain from the temptation to have the answers and instead ask them questions like, “What do you need?” or “How would listening to your inner wisdom, gut, feelings, or spiritual values help you make this decision?”

One of the reasons I love yoga is that it offers an invitation to truly listen to our body, thoughts, and feelings so we can develop a strong inner voice. I once had a yoga teacher who often said the phrase, “You do you,” during class. And during these times of political division, this wisdom to “do you” means giving others permission to vote for the political candidate that aligns with their values, even when you might not connect with their vantage point. Likewise, when it comes to postpartum moms, I believe it is imperative to give new moms an abundance of grace and invite them to check-in with their thoughts, emotions, and gut so they can choose whether to practice or ignore the 5-5-5 rule.

The three years I spent in theology school completing a master of divinity, has given me the benefit of having many close friends who are ministers or serve in ministry. I remember one close seminary friend who once frequently called to ask me for advice about how to respond to stressful situations in the church she was serving. My friend would also constantly ask the senior ministers at various churches she worked at for their direction and guidance dealing with difficult people in the church. As I previously mentioned, I think it is very important to consult others when making complex decisions and yet some people look for advice from external sources too often, instead of trusting their own instincts and internal wisdom.

My seminary friend was one of those people who sometimes relied too much on the perspective of other people, instead of trusting her own internal compass. But over the last 20+ years she has served in ministry, my friend has done a great deal of internal work. Through therapy and mindfulness, she has learned to trust her own inner authority, instead of her tendency in the past to find the answers outside of her self.

You have probably had moments where you have felt pressure to meet other people’s expectations, instead of listening to your own needs. When I was 10 years younger, I might have acquiesced to the cultural pressure to do the 5-5-5 rule and I would have been more likely to avoid yoga for a longer period of time after giving birth. Obviously, an approach like 5-5-5 is exactly what many people need after the arduous experience of childbirth, but because I experienced a natural pregnancy during both labors and practiced yoga the entire duration of both my pregnancies, as I listened to what I needed physically, emotionally, and spiritually, it felt right to me to show up on my yoga mat earlier than others do. And while I practiced yoga in the weeks following the birth of both of my kids, I continued to listen to what I needed, which often meant letting go of my ego by going easy on myself and not practicing the most challenging poses.

How are you doing at nurturing your own internal voice? Do you take time to listen to your body, mind, heart, spirit, and wise loved ones so these respective parts of you can discern what you need? And are you giving other people in your life the grace to be who they are and make the decisions that are best for them? The most nurturing friends I have in my life are the ones who encourage me to listen to my own voice. But you also can offer this type of friendship to yourself, through listening to what you need. I also encourage you to find practices in your life, like yoga or therapy, that help you to listen more deeply to your emotional, spiritual, and physical needs in order to clearly hear the whisper of your own internal compass. Namaste!

A version of this article was originally published by The Lookout Mountain Mirror.