How to Fly Like the Butterfly

If you are anything like me, you may identify with the feeling of lugging around extra emotional weight. Do you struggle with having too many items on your calendar, an abundance of junk food in your fridge, excessive amounts of clothes in the closet and trauma, grief, anger, worries and shame in your body? If so, all the physical and emotional stuff you are holding onto is likely weighing you down.

Can you remember a time when you consciously chose to declutter your calendar, home, body or mind? It may have been a season in your life when you took control of your life by slowing down. Perhaps it was an experience of choosing to forgive a loved one. Or it could have been a moment when you decided to clear out your closet of unused stuff. Perchance it was when you decided to go on a sugar sabbath for a month. Maybe it was a moment when you realized the romantic partnership you were in needed to end.      

When I was a teenager I attended a spiritual growth retreat called Chrysalis. The name Chrysalis comes from the stage a caterpillar goes through before becoming a butterfly. The process changes the plain caterpillar into a colorful and vibrant butterfly. When I attended the retreat Chrysalis, I was 15 years old and I was dealing with a great deal of anger towards my father who had recently been to rehab for alcoholism. At the Chrysalis retreat someone gave a talk on the importance of forgiveness and in this talk something clicked inside of me and I realized that even though I had every right to be angry at my dad, the anger was no longer serving me and so I made the choice to forgive him. After I forgave my dad I felt so much lighter. It was as if 15 pounds had been taken off of my shoulders. When I came home from the retreat my friends even commented that I seemed like a new person. The Chrysalis experience had been powerful for me and my load had been lightened like a butterfly emerging from a dark cocoon flying high.

Can you remember a time in your own life when you let go of either emotional or physical belongings? If so, how did it feel in your mind, heart and body to let something go? What do you need to let go of today that would lead to more freedom in your soul?

Unpack Material Possessions

I have met several people who embrace minimalism and only have roughly five outfits to their name. I don’t know how they do it, but I imagine the lack of material possessions does lead to great joy and freedom in their life. I’m not a minimalist, but I do think it is important to have a yearly practice of clearing out things in your physical space that you are no longer are using.

Marie Kondo developed the KonMari method to help clients decide what they could let go of in their homes. One part of the KonMari method is picking up your possessions and tuning into your mind, body and heart as you ask yourself the question, “Does this spark joy?” Marie says that this joy might feel like, “…a little thrill, as if the cells in your body are slowly rising.” If something doesn’t create that thrill in your body, it means it is time to let go of the possession.

My own rule for myself is that I get rid of things if I haven’t used them in the past year. But how ever you do it, can you make the decision to clear out everything you no longer truly want or need. You may notice anxiety and/or positive feelings as you give stuff away.

 Unpack the Busy Calendar

Take a hard look at your daily calendar. Ask yourself this question: Do I really need to do all of this? I think it is important to take some time to discern what your inner voice of wisdom is asking you to keep and to drop. Let go of the expectations of others. You have 24 hours in a day and you get to decide how you want to live each day. Now that we are hopefully moving towards the end of the pandemic, people are telling me their schedules are going back to being filled again. Don’t lose yourself by doing what you think you “should” do. Remind yourself that saying no to others means saying yes to yourself. If you are a person, like me, who struggles with asking for help, you might try asking for others for what you need and receiving help from others. And most importantly, make sure there is space for you everyday on your calendar. The time for you may be a massage, a bath, a Pilates class, a good book or a long walk.

Unpack the Fridge

What types of foods do you need to eat to feel good in your body? I know I feel like my best self when I am limiting gluten and sugar. As a pescatarian, fish is the only meat I eat, and this way of eating also seems to work well for my body. Your food choices are likely different than my own and I honor whatever works for your body.

Are there any ways you can be more intentional about your own food choices? What is in your fridge that you really don’t want to be there? Are there sugary or processed foods or drinks that might be hard for you to say goodbye to, but that your body might thank you for saying no to?

I’m not saying that having comfort food is never okay, because sometimes you might choose to eat it as a pick me up or to celebrate an occasion. However, it is important to ask yourself whether you are using food to numb feelings such as shame, anxiety, loneliness and sadness. Most people have been emotional eaters at some point and for me emotional eating has been an off and on battle that particularly reared it’s ugly head during COVID-19. During this pandemic, I have turned to food to cope with the loneliness and anxiety. Perhaps this was true for you too. But currently, I am trying to be more mindful about what I put in my fridge and I’m noticing this makes a difference in how I feel in my body.   

Unpack Your Relationships

Are there any relationships in your life that feel heavy and you realize you need to take a step back from them in some way? Taking a step back might mean that you no longer engage in political conversations with a loved one or even step back from the role of trying to fix or advise them. Is there a boss, partner or friend in your life who you need to set boundaries with? Maybe you set limits with a family member by not always answering their phone call. Perhaps there is someone you need to spend a little less time with because they have a tendency to be preachy with you about how they think you need to live your life. It also may benefit you to spend time processing whether the platonic or romantic relationships in your life are places of joy, life and growth. If not, you may want to reconsider how invested you are in them.    

Unpack Your Inner State

I invite you to take a close look at your mind, body, heart and personality. What is going on inside of you? The monkey mind? The need to be perfect? Anger that is turning into resentment? A feeling of being unappreciated? Guilt about what you could have done differently? Complacency? Telling yourself you are a failure? Doubt about your vocational path? Loneliness? Worry about all the things that could go wrong? Comparing yourself to others? Feeling incompetent? Being too serious and responsible? A tendency to numb your pain through substances? A need for power and control? Grief about a deceased pet or loved one? Shame that whispers to you that you are not enough? Whatever it is, notice it and breathe. What do you need to do to let go of some of these painful things you are carrying inside of you? Maybe you need to talk to a partner, friend, therapist, spiritual director or pastor to work through it. Or you might need to go to a yoga class or get a massage to release some of it from your body. Another option might be to process it through journaling or playing music. What is something inside of you that you need to face and what do you need to do to feel freer and lighter in your body?

As you start to unpack your home, calendar, fridge, relationships, inner state and even other parts of your life, you might notice you feel a release in your body and in your heart. You may even start to feel so light that you break free from your own dark cocoon and start to fly like a butterfly!

Let’s unpack so we can fly,

Christy

A version of this article was originally published by The Lookout Mountain Mirror. www.mountainmirror.com