How to Keep An Open Heart

I recently had a customer service experience with a local organization via email that wasn’t necessarily a bad one, but let’s just call it average. The person who responded to my request didn’t respond in the way I might have responded to the situation, but they also did not respond with any warmth or leave me with the impression that they understood my perspective. I realize people’s responses through email are curter than they might be face to face, but I still had expected more. As I meditated about this email exchange, I felt upset, and I also noticed my heart space starting to close towards an organization I respect. As I noticed my heart closing to this establishment, I quickly repeated this mantra, “I want to keep my heart open.” I probably said this mantra at least 5 times to myself and then took a few deep breaths.

I feel like this theme of keeping your heart open is probably my most repeated theme for the monthly articles I write for the Mountain Mirror, but it is probably because I know deep inside of me it is what I need to work on and what the world needs right now.

When I was a teenager and young adult, the phrase I remember my dad repeating to me the most was, “Never burn your bridges.” He would explain to me the bridges I burned today, might be bridges I need tomorrow. Even though my dad died almost 2 years ago, I can still hear his wisdom to not burn bridges ringing in my ears.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I certainly don’t tell my clients to never burn their bridges, because there are examples, such as sexual, verbal, and physical abuse when a bridge might need to be burned. However, I do invite my clients to be careful with cut-offs because there is some compelling research that says when you cut off family members, these patterns tend to repeat themselves. Burned bridges and cut-offs lead to more burned bridges and cut- offs. Certainly, there are times when boundaries are necessary, and since I am using the metaphor of the bridge, perhaps you might be like a drawbridge on the water that lifts, from time to time, to prevent people from passing through for a little while. 

When I reflect on the lessons my dad learned through alcoholism and later sobriety, I remember a man whose 12-step work invited him to make amends with others, keep his heart open, and to not burn his bridges. I’m grateful for this legacy he passed down to me and like the Judd’s sang, I want to keep building bridges “between your heart and mine.”

Signs of a closed heart:

Avoiding connection with others

Trouble with both giving and receiving

The need for control and power

Thinking negatively about what is missing in your life

High expectations and/or criticism of yourself and others

Withholding hugs and affection

Feeling stuck in anger and other negative emotions

An inability to move towards forgiveness

Avoiding new experiences and adventure because of fear

Signs Your Heart is Open:

The ability to be vulnerable

Smiles and laughter

Both a generous spirit and an ability to receive help

Empathy for yourself and others

Feeling gratitude despite the pain of life

Offering affection to loved ones

A forgiving heart

Being open to new people and experiences

Seeing the beauty and image of God in others

5 Strategies to Keep Your Heart Open to Others

1. Empathy is an important pathway in my life to an open heart. Empathy invites me to imagine what it might be like to be in someone else’s shoes. When I practice empathy, it opens me up to being gentler and more gracious with others.
2. Prayer & meditation are also practices that keep my heart open to others. If I am praying for someone or practicing the Compassion Meditation, it is impossible to not have an open heart towards others.
3. Connecting to God, others, your feelings and intuition, your hobbies, and to the great outdoors are all pathways to an open heart. Disconnecting from your Source, your loved ones, your emotions, your instincts, your passions, and the created world closes you off from life, but whenever you find meaningful connection, your heart space will open back up.
4. Allowing for differences really helps me to keep my heart open to others. Often when I react to someone it helps me to be mindful that people’s unique personality, culture, biology, experiences, and beliefs inform the diverse ways people speak, live, worship, and vote.  
5. Yoga is another tool that helps me keep my heart open. Poses like bridge and Goddess literally open up my heart and when I am more open physically in my heart, this translates to being more open emotionally in my heart space. Additionally, breathing during yoga clears out the negativity and pain I am holding in my body, which deepens my ability to be open-hearted. 

I imagine, like me, you too have had difficult experiences with an organization, friend, colleague, or family member. It is so easy to cut yourself off from people. With the current climate of this world, it often feels as if there is a cacophony of voices inside and outside of me whispering to choose contempt, anger, and disconnection. I must be diligent to fight these voices and choose to live with an open and compassion heart.

In this new year, who do you need want to keep your heart open to? It takes intentionality to keep my heart open to the Spirit of God, loved ones, the world around me, and even to stay open to myself. Will you set a resolution with me in this new year to stay committed to this road of building bridges and open-hearted living? Maybe even practice saying aloud my mantra, “I want to keep my heart open.” I know this mantra is one I am going to be saying throughout 2023. You might also set an intention to practice more yoga, empathy, prayer, or meditation. I hope you will join me in this new year to do all you can to be an open-hearted bridge builder. 

This article was originally written for the http://www.mountainmirror.com